Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
