i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
