I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
