and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
