About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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