Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
