i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
