she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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