margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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