I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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