I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
