Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
