The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
