even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
