and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
