Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
