I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
