i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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