i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
