There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
