Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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