i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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