No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
