Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You are a genius and a whore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
