Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
