If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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