So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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