I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
