ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
