i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
