Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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