Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
