Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
