If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
