Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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