we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
