omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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