Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
