I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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