He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
