im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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