Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
