yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
