There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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