Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I will be naked everywhere
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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