I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
