is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
