in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
