I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
