Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
