I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
